Jeremy's Top 5..
Reasons why Utah isn't a fun place to live
- Mormons aka "momos" - Ok, don't get me wrong. I don't just dislike them, i really hate them. Theres an LDS church on every other block in the suburbs, they knock on your damn door, and because of their dumbass influence, beer in this state contains only 3.2% alcohol!! (See below) There is a few plus sides to living around a shitload of momos: Hardly any traffic all day sunday!
- Cops - The crimerate in this state is a problem! Its not high enough! Meaning the cops in Davis county (mostly mormon-filled suburbs) have nothing to do but stop people for dumb shit, pull random searches with no probable cause, and give tickets to tax paying citizens like me. You want action, move to LA and be a cop. Leave us alone, Layton City PD.
- Beer - Ok, beer isn't the problem, the momos are. You can't buy anything more powerful then 3.2% alcohol in any supermarket, and the only liqour stores you'll find in Utah are STATE RUN. And you better believe they charge way too much for good beer. Of course, you can buy booze up in stores at Hill AFB, which I live 2.3 miles from. But I can't get on base, so alot of good that does me. On the plus side, the rules about beer selling here have led alot of people to go into the beermaking hobby & profession. There are quite a few good locally brewed beers here, my favorite being Polygamy Porter. I know what you're thinking, but I assure you, I just love dark beer.
- Food - Has anyone thats not a momo ever eaten green jello with carrots? its pretty gross. Aside from crazy momo dishes, there is a huge lack of good fast food. Ok, they sell tator-tots at frickin mexican fast food joints, while claiming to be "authentic mexican food". Ha. Another thing, THERE ARE NO IN-N-OUTS IN UTAH!! What the hell? They would make a killing up here, and they need to expand all the way up I-15. Supposedly theres one going up in St George, and you know I will be making the 4-5 hour drive just to eat a double double animal style.
- Utah hair - Ok, I know Utah isn't the only place women wear their hair in completely unflattering, and frankly quite stupid styles. But here, it is considered an art form. High school girls rat and tease the back of their heads to the point that they look like Gary Oldman in Dracula. How fucking retarded do you have to be to think you look good like that? I swear the average IQ of a suburban utahn has to be around 60. I mean, really fucking dumb. Get a clue, you don't look good, kill your hairdresser, and cut your hair.
